PINARD; Phyllis Merwyn nee Miller a.k.a. Aunty died on 9th August, 2018 at age 96. Daughter of the late Edith and Lisle Miller. Widow of Andrew. Mother of Derek (deceased) and Jizelle.
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Embracing the process
Before Richard and I got engaged, Jess adored him to the point where she asked for him to be named her legal guardian in the event anything ever happened to me. She has always wanted us to be married and was totally upset with me each time I would go out with other guys because she didn’t see why we couldn’t be more than friends. Before he proposed to me, he even discussed it with her and she helped him plan it.
So she was over the moon to say the least. Yet within seconds of him asking she stormed off in tears. Our happy moment quickly turned into turmoil. She was crying so much that he started to doubt our decision.
The next day I sought wisdom from one of the women whom I greatly respect; I often call her my spiritual mommy. (Side note to mothers—choose wisely the people you allow to impart wisdom into your life, it is the most important decision you will ever make.)
She said, “because it is God’s will doesn’t mean it will be easy.” She reminded me of the last few years of my own life and how painful growth felt and she urged me not to rob Jess of her growing pains. She explained that our decision was the right one and even Jess knew it, but with any change there would be fears and rather than running from them, we must learn to face them.
The conversation was filled with so many pearls of wisdom, from Jess understanding her rightful place in the home, to me embracing my own opportunities for growth during this new phase of our lives.
As parents, we often hurt when our children hurt and we try to do everything within our power to take away their pains, not realising that we rob them of the opportunity to grow. Growth is a process, we cannot reach to another level without enduring the lessons and the tests.
Of course, wisdom in everything is crucial. Yes, there are some lessons that are unnecessary and yes, we should aim to minimise childhood trauma due to neglect and plain out not caring about their well-being, which is why we must be ever vigilant in determining which pains are all part of the growth process and which are abuse.
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